stuck in the middle

i've been working here for close to 2 years. this is my first "permanent" position after graduation. (i am reminded of this one interview where the interviewer actually asked me if this was my first "real" job. i felt like asking her, "so i was only pretending to work in my previous position?") i feel stagnated here, binded by the comfortable salary and position.

it's definitely time to think about moving on. unfortunately, because my present work experience, my degree and my ideal plans for the future do not match up, i need to do some serious thinking about what i want to do next.

i would like to do some future studies in an aspect that i'm interested in, that would open further roads for me, that would be worth the money and time i'm going to sink into it. i've gone through the websites of the various local universities, some overseas ones, some distance-learning ones.

those i'm interested in, i either don't qualify for or they cost too much. those i can afford and qualify for, i'm not too sure about the usefulness. sometimes it really seems like the only way to get your foot into a door is through the back door (ie with the help of someone already inside).

sometimes i wonder if it would be good for me to go back and redo my 'a' levels, just so to get a better chance at the future. to start afresh, with a better grade for my 'a's => a chance to do a better degree => a chance to get a better job.

it's a waste of time, but after being stuck for so long, it's beginning to look good. i don't want to be stagnated because i made a mistake when i was 19 to study a course i had no interest in. there must be a better way out somewhere.

changing my name

i've been thinking about adding a name to my IC for the past few years. this year will mark the 10th year since i started using Karyn as my way of identifying myself, and i'm thinking it's about time i do something about it.

i used to like my chinese name, up till primary 5 when they switched to using the dialect name for official purposes instead of the hanyu pinyin name, and for years i had to suffer the indignity of being made fun of. my dad apparently had not realized how it would affect me. as a result, the moment i could, i had everyone call me by my new name. all throughout university and after, hardly anyone called me by my "real" name, except in classes where the teachers flatly refused to take down the names we preferred to be addressed by.

i have no intention of changing the name my parents gave me. it is, after all, given to me after consideration. i intend to just add a name so that "Karyn Ang" is a name i can start to use officially in all documents instead of just an "unofficial" name which is still disallowed in a lot of documentation.

now i just need to think about when the best time is actually do it so as to minimize the impact.

back to the ol' hum-drum

i've been back for a week and lazing around since i got back. ballet classes had been cancelled for the week, same for my korean class, so i've had a lot of time to sit around and do nothing.

well, not exactly nothing. i went for the shape run yesterday in place of my dear colleague who had her competition. not a great timing for the run, since i've never taken my training seriously plus the 2 weeks break i had before that. i've learnt some things from this race, namely: 1) don't put your sunglasses into your shorts pocket before running, and 2) get some new shoes, a proper sports top and a new watch with stopwatch functions before going for the GE 10k next month. sigh...more money to be spent. i haven't even gotten the credit card bill for the trip yet and i'm not looking forward to getting it.

i'm feeling a bit lazy to put up a long post about my trip (i might regret this later, but the truth is nothing interesting happened to me the whole trip and i haven't any inspiration to try and write something interesting), so i'll just put up a couple of pictures.

pas de deux class

the skirt would have cost US$40 IF i had the inclination to buy it

my favorite musical ever! go avenue q!

set of rent the musical, taken just before the show started

times square, just outside the m&m store, with sexy green making an appearance

messy, i know. i may decide on a proper post later on. anyhow, this trip really convinced me that i really want to get out of this country. maybe it's time to really just take my money and go? i need to do my research.